You always notice when you pick up something heavy the first time. It takes every ounce of energy to pick it up. Every muscle in your body has to adjust in order to balance and carry it. You sweat with exertion, you breath heavy, you need extra water and nutrients in response to the physical demand. And, if that were not enough, mentally and spiritually it wears you down. You didn’t choose the weight – it was thrust upon you in one crushing moment. You can’t ignore it or unload it either. Whether you move on carrying the weight or dragging it along unwillingly; it is always there. But when you accept it and physically, mentally and spiritually carry it, you begin to adapt. Physically, your body gets stronger inside and out. Mentally, it no longer controls you. Spiritually, it becomes something that brings you peace and balance. The once heavy boulder you were forced to bear is now just a stone.
Grief is my memory stone. It never leaves me. It’s always here. It isn’t as heavy as it was before, especially when it was new. On days like today, I feel the coolness of it in my hand. The shiny surface reflects memories both good and bad. Anger and guilt add unique imperfections with purposeful roughness, pits and curves, authenticating it and keeping it true. I let my stone break the gates of my heart loosing a deluge of sorrowful tears, sobs of anguish and desperate longing. And when all has been spent, my broken heart is stilled by God’s peace and comfort.
I know it won’t be the last stone like this I’ll carry.
Why do I share this with my professional colleagues and friends? We serve in this industry – Health & Welfare benefits – because the certainty of life includes uncertainty and we are committed to serving our clients by offering products and services for what MIGHT and WILL happen to their most valuable assets; their employees.
As someone among the population of “employees,” I can personally speak from experience how undervalued at least one of these benefits is. Nearly three years ago, my son died. He lived in another state, had his own business, a devoted wife, and three children. His death came suddenly to all of us. To add to our shock and grief, he died in a foreign country. It was during this time that this “trinket” benefit became our core resource.
My employer at the time offered all employees a “no-cost” Employee Assistance Program (EAP). Not much focus or value is usually placed on this program. It’s an add-on, a sort of “fluff” benefit superficially promoted without much fanfare. So, it was no surprise that this resource escaped me when I needed it the most.
Overwhelmed by our horror and shock, my husband and I had no idea how to help each other, my grieving daughter-in-law, our grandchildren or the rest of our children. A fellow employee and friend reminded me of our EAP and helped me connect with them. When I did I found more than a resource. I found an empathetic ear and access to three visits with a counselor for each issue I was facing. The same was offered to each of my family members. This is how the benefits exponentially helped my entire family.
Me
- Grief of losing my son (step-son, but in our family there are no “steps”)
- Marriage
- Some one once told me, 62% of marriages end in divorce when a child dies
- Guidance to resources for the funeral
- 2-years later, PTSD support
My Daughter-in-law
- Grief over losing her husband
- Guidance with telling her children what happened
- Guidance to find financial support
Additionally, each of my grandchildren, my husband, my sons and daughter were all offered grief counseling.
Today, we are all in a better place. We have our moments, we still struggle with pain, anger, and sorrow. But, we are so much stronger than we were or ever thought we could be. The EAP benefits were a great help to us as well as our other resources; family, friends, and church community. We recognize and thank the guiding hands that lead us to what was available and recognize it required a willingness on our part to reach out and accept help.
As we embark on our 2022 renewal journey, please remember this story. Perhaps consider having meaningful conversations with clients about this benefit and the value above and beyond what it can offer during COVID-19. Share my story. It would bless me to know that someone else might benefit from my experience.
Daily Meditations 